I just quoted the Beastie Boys! And that’s awesome.
In this post, I would like to explore sabotage. I will identify some of the reasons behind other’s efforts to sabotage, some reasons behind our own self-sabotage and even explore anonymous computer viruses. First, let’s start by defining it.
Basically, to sabotage is to deliberately damage, destroy, hinder, undermine property, equipment or somebody’s efforts or achievements. Sounds pretty nasty to me when I read it aloud. So why would anyone want to sabotage anything you try and achieve? In short, to make themselves feel better as they are insecure. You are succeeding. Perhaps you are really sticking to your weight loss goals, or really kicking butt while at work so you can get that promotion. You are making positive life changes and to some people, this may make them uncomfortable or insecure. Do any of these statements sound familiar?
“Babe, please. Don’t go on another diet. You always get so grumpy when you diet.”
“Hey, I’m not trying to rain on your parade but I just don’t want to see you get your hopes up only to have them come crashing down. I care about you.”
“Oh come on. You’re not going to get that promotion. You’re going to be stuck here just like the rest of us.”
These are 3 different examples of types of sabotage. The first is power manipulation. They try to sabotage your efforts by keeping your relationship with them the same. They don’t want you to change because you might find new friends, or a new partner. The second is over-protection. It can be difficult to identify and combat because it is disguised as an act of love. And the third example is called Leveling. This is typically from someone who is feeling inadequate or insecure about themselves. Their efforts are to try and keep you at their level.
Here is another one, this one is tricky. It’s the nay-sayers, the ones who try to minimize your efforts. “You think that’s hard, one time I did this….” Or “That’s nothing, I raised more money for this charity…” and so on. That is straight-up comparing and even embellishing to make themselves look better. In other words, they are insecure. Yikes!
Now, to raise awareness about our own self-sabotage! I struggled with this because it almost borders on the realm of therapy and psychology. I am a life coach, not a psychologist or therapist. This is what I can share with you.
FEAR OF FAILURE!!!!
So we start that negative self-talk and tell ourselves that we can’t do this because we might fail. Due to our awesomeness, we have been selected and are on the short list for that promotion because we worked hard and have good work ethic and outstanding experience. So what do we do? Well, if our inadequate feeling co-workers don’t do it for us, we will take care of it ourselves! We self-sabotage. Maybe we procrastinate handing in our month-ends or making that phone call for an interview because we “just have too much on our plates as it is.” On a diet? Fear of failing? We rage eat ten bags of chocolate candies to spite our 3 pound loss and justify it with, “Well, I’m gonna gain the weight back anyway – I always do!”
Reading this really helps to bring awareness to this issue. It truly is limiting behavior. Here are a few ideas for combating those who try to sabotage other’s successes as well as working at combating our own self-sabotage.
- Tell others that you really need support and encouragement. You have set this goal for yourself and it’s a good goal. Give them some examples of how they can encourage you. As I said, sometimes they don’t even know they are doing it. But beware! Sometimes they do!
- Their insecurities are not yours. So you don’t have to do anything with those insecurities. They do not belong to you.
- Your new positive goals and changes are a good thing. When people try and bring you down, or level you, it’s their effort, their opinion, you can chose to accept it, or not accept it. When people GIVE you their negativity, it’s an act of giving right? You don’t have to accept it.
- Own that fear! When you readily admit that you are afraid, you are bringing those feelings to the surface, thus lessening the chances of unknowingly self-sabotaging. Talk to a trusted friend or journal about it. Then figure out ways to tackle that fear. Need help with that? Hire me!
- Focus on the things that you do have control over. You have control over what you eat, when you exercise, who you allow to treat you a certain way or not.
- Lastly, Hire me.
I really hope this brings to light the subject of sabotage, whether it be brought on by self or someone else. Sometimes, just being aware can put you on the route you want to be on.
Remember way up at the top of this post, I mentioned that I would even talk about computer viruses? Well, here’s my little rant:
I began writing this post at 3pm today. It is now 8:31pm and I have yet to post my blog. I really don’t like posting it this late because some of my readers are on the East coast and it’s like 11:31pm their time. What has caused this delay? Why none other than Sabotage! A computer virus. Not sure where it came from, but it was there. I spent so much time trying to get rid of it. How did I know it was there, you ask? Well, let me tell you! As I was doing some research online about sabotage, a most terrifying eyeless creepy child like entity flashed across my screen making this horrific sound. One like the soul of a man being tortured within the depths of hell. This creepy kid was hunched over like it was getting ready to leap frog out of my laptop and steal my soul. I screamed and in one step, jumped out of my chair and hopped across the couch and begged my fiance to make it go away. So he did. Thanks babe! And with that, my blog entry had been erased, and the barrage of insanely inappropriate websites started popping up. I saw things that I could never ever imagine another human being doing to other human beings. Wow. My point is this; I was being sabotaged at the very same time I was writing about it. Why would an anonymous person make a virus knowing what it was capable of, but not knowing who they would affect? Why sabotage in this way? It’s not like they will ever get to know the actual results of their actions. They won’t know that I really had it out with my laptop and this virus. They won’t ever know how much victory I felt when I defeated this trojan. Hahaha! I’m not really sure why people commit acts of sabotage like computer viruses, anonymously. Hey, I never said I knew everything!
Thanks so much for reading my blog. 🙂