I have no time to read all my friend’s blogs. Sometimes I feel guilty about it, sometimes I think I’m missing something, often I think I will catch up during the long winter evenings that are approaching.
Time is a dictator. It doesn’t even exist. It’s necessary to make appointments, and to make formulas in physics work, but in life there is only now.
My mind does not accept this. My mind clings to time. It wants to have this dictator. Perhaps time is necessary for my mind to ‘know’ it exists.
Next to time is balance. I don’t know balance. My life has seldom known balance. And when I really look back there never has been real balance at all. Only priorities.
We can follow our priorities, but we will only seldom create balance while doing so. We can go for those priorities, and the rest is the flow of life.
It’s summer now, the kids have holidays. Kids have always been my priority. Kids and family first, then next is occupying myself in a creative way and getting paid for it. The latter is not work. Work is not much different from organised religion. Work is organised labour, organised thinking, organised creativity 🙂 … it’s mediocre, and the schedule is balanced. And so is the cheque at the end of the month.
I have been inside such systems for a small amount of time: the first time lasted a year, the second job lasted a month, the third 3 years.
Then came organised ‘freedom’ (or bondage) in having a business, and then a job again, this time for 2 months. The past 18 months have been not-organised and were very interesting.
Kids have not always been my priorities. I think I had no priorities at all before they came. I followed the flow of Tilopa’s song. Unknowingly. We all do. We resist it, our mistake. Resistance is futile. Following the flow without resistance is another dimension.
And now it’s summer. Kids are very often home, and paid creativity is also booming. This will not last. School will soon start. And paid assignments are never predictable.
There is no balance, … only priorities, and our never ending resistance against the flow of life:
comparing reality to how things should be
or comparing past to how things should have been.